I’ve been in a number of meetings lately where the energy ramps up quickly.
Someone throws out a solution.
Someone else offers a different solution.
And before long, the room is debating.
At first glance, it looks productive. People are engaged. Ideas are flowing. Opinions are being shared.
But if you listen closely, something is off.
They’re not debating the same thing.
When the Room Isn’t Aligned
What I’m seeing more often is this:
One person is solving for one problem.
Another person is solving for a different problem.
Both think they’re debating the same issue.
They’re not.
So the conversation turns into people talking past each other.
They stop listening.
They start responding.
And eventually, it becomes less about solving anything and more about winning the argument.
All of that can happen in a matter of minutes.
Pause for a Moment
There’s usually a point where I realize:
“We’re not even talking about the same thing.”
When that happens, the most helpful move is also the simplest.
Pause the conversation.
And ask:
“What decision are we actually trying to make?”
“What are we solving for here?”
Sometimes I’ll go one step further: “Let’s stop for a second and make sure we agree on the problem before we keep debating solutions.”
It’s a small reset, but it changes everything.
Why This Matters
When the decision isn’t defined, the meeting may feel active, but it’s not productive.
You can spend an hour debating and walk out with:
- no clarity,
- no alignment,
- and no real progress.
Worse, the underlying issue is still there. So it shows up again. And the team has the same conversation, just with slightly different words.
Why We Do This
It’s easy to see why this happens.
Solutions are tangible.
They feel like progress.
They give people something to react to.
Defining the problem takes more discipline. It requires slowing down just enough to ask a better question before answering it.
And in a fast-moving environment, that step often gets skipped.
The Leadership Move
This is where leadership shows up.
Not in having the best solution.
Not in speaking first.
But in making sure the room is solving the same thing.
Before the debate starts, or as soon as it starts to drift, bring the focus back:
- What is the decision in front of us?
- What problem are we trying to solve?
- What does success look like?
Once that’s clear, the conversation changes.
People listen differently.
Ideas connect instead of collide.
And the room can actually move forward.
The Question about the Question
These days, when I feel a discussion speeding up, I try to ask:
“Are we clear on the question before us?”
It sounds simple. But most of the time, it’s the difference between a conversation that feels productive, and one that actually is.
Because leaders don’t just guide decisions.
They define them.
